What are you proud of?
Pride and uniqueness
A game started during lunchtime among some colleagues. Everyone was to answer a question: ‘What are you proud of?’
I became blank on my turn. I really had no answer to that question. There were plenty of things I could have said I am proud of. But what does it really mean to be proud of?
I believe that pride entails comparison with someone else, something else, and it holds oneself in a higher status, a higher ground than others. It means that I consider myself better than someone else. I am not saying that I don’t compare myself with other people — I have not attained Buddhatwa. But claiming my pride in something is putting myself on a higher ground, and it is ephemeral.
Depending on the context, pride loosely translates to garva (गर्व), ghamanda (घमण्ड), ahankar (अहंकार), or abhiman (अभिमान) in Nepali. (These words are derived from Sanskrit?) I’d like to be away from ghamanda, ahankar and abhiman. I am not proud of anything in this sense; at least I’d not want to be.
Garva is in a gray area.
If you had asked me 10 years ago, I’d have said I am proud to be an IOMite, a Nepali (they say you’re supposed to be, after all Sagarmatha is in Nepal, and Buddha was born here), and so on. I had no contribution in being a Nepali, erecting the Sagarmatha, or for the enlightenment of Siddhartha Gautam, though. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love my country. Is love equal to pride?
Why should I hold pride in studying at a certain institute? Those who didn’t get into it are no less than I; perhaps many of them were better than those who got enrolled there. Taking pride in enrollment through the entrance exams looks down upon those who didn’t get in and those who studied elsewhere. And, now, it is the past. Real life today doesn’t really care about!
Should I be proud that, despite my limitations, I have made it to where I am today? I have always been supported by people around me. My journey has not been that of a lone ranger. Family and friends have been with me every step of the way, at least most of the time. Being proud here is a bit of ignoring the fact that there are other people in worse circumstances doing greater things.
You may still be wondering what my answer was in the game. I really had no choice but to explain…